I have been around Christian institutions my whole life. I have worked in them for years. I've attended Christian schools and taught at them. I've been in thousands of church services and run some myself. During my time within them I have changed immensely and my thinking has developed as I have struggled to think with the story of the Bible. The way I see and engage with God has changed and broadened, the way I understand the purpose of the church has been wrestled with and the way I view and use the Bible has been a big issue for me at times.
What has been frustrating is that at many points in my journey I have been made to feel that some of the thoughts around these issues are 'off track' or not faithful to the faith convictions I should adhere to if I want to say that I'm a Christian. I have been told that I think too much. I have been accused of fearing man rather than God. I have been told that my problem is that I read too many books about the Bible, rather than the Bible itself. I have been told that my thinking is at the top of a slippery slope into relativism. I have been told that my desire to think deeply about faith is a phase, a period of deconstruction.
To be honest, on one level this is just patronising and naively self-assured. On another level it is really just completely ignorant of the complex issues of faith. However, now that I have thought about these issues and really done my research, I am now more passionate about Jesus than ever before. Because I have gone through periods of being really unsettled I have delved into ideas with intention. Yes, at times it wasn't easy. But so what? Sure, some won't arrive at the 'correct' conclusion, but the statistics are showing us that this disconnection with church is happening anyway.
Through all the research I have read recently on why young people are leaving the church, my personal frustrations with my own experiences have increasingly felt more validated. I am not alone in this. The feelings of alienation and long periods of trying to live with these tensions are extremely common. In a lot of cases, people leave church because it is an environment in which doubt is stamped out. Where theology is static and shallow and kept within the bounds of what is thought to be orthodox.
This is an ecclesiology of fear.
Some Christian institutions seem to be afraid of honest inquiry. They seem to be afraid that if you allow yourself to think for long enough, you will no longer reach the same conclusions as they have. They seem to be afraid that if people are exposed to ways of thinking different to their own then they will be destabilised. But why be afraid of that? What is the fear really about? Losing control? Losing loyalty? Diversity of opinion and having leadership challenged? The authority of preaching being questioned?
What if we let go? What if we have to engage in robust discussion rather than relying on the (corporate?) structures of heirarchy?
You cannot practise dependance if you are decieved with the illusion of certainty.
Is doubt a crucial part of faith? How does this relationship work?
One thing is for sure, I am not prepared to accept simple answers if they don't present me with the truth.
The prospect of being part of a faith community that actively embraces doubt excites me. It is freeing. It allows people to let their guard down and be honest with the things they haven't figured out, yet not feel on the outer. But how does a church do this?
Listen to the people that doubt. Which really, is most people. If you have young adults (or anyone for that matter) who are wrestling with questions of how we know, the authority of the bible, ecclesiology and worldview, then acknowledge it! Talking about the 3 steps to building your faith, or regurgitating sermons about depending on God in a strictly personal sense aren't going to mean much to these people. For some communities, maybe sermons need to be something that requires intellectual rigour. Maybe people need more than just motivation and a sense of inner peace. Maybe we need to work for our understanding. Maybe we have to learn to embrace the tension of not knowing while we seek to understand.
It doesn't sound so bad to me.
A few weeks ago at church my good friend Hugh shared his thoughts about his own struggles with doubt. I thought it was brilliant. We need to hear more stuff like this. Check it here:
The quote he used by Madeleine L'Engle is fantastic:
"Those who believe they believe in God but without passion in the heart, without anguish of mind, without uncertainty, without doubt, and even at times without despair, believe only in the idea of God, and not in God himself."
I know you and I have had many many conversations on faith and I've always appreciated our differences, perspective and approach. The difficulties of reconciling challenges from both inside and outside the church have never given me pause to continue seeking a further depth of my faith. As you have explained as with other young adults this has not sufficiently been addressed in traditional church services and I have thus sought it elsewhere.
ReplyDeleteI would love to see more conversation, but not the aimless conversation that is adopted a little too easily and frequently. Some real rigorous conversation with various interpretations well represented would be some much needed fresh water for my spirit. If we can have this discourse and trust in the Lord to lead us I believe as you do that our faith will be the richer for it.
Always encouraged by your faith and love for the Lord.
mc
How refreshing to hear someone being allowed to admit they have doubt about their faith. Hugh is very lucky to know people who are willing to allow him to express whats inside him and even luckier to find people wise enough to know that not everyone can praise and worship God all the time.
ReplyDeleteFaith is a serious issue and committment so shouldn't be taken for granted or entered into lightly. People do change, life challenges us and to be honest, If I was God or anyone for that matter I would far rather have someone along side me who has thought seriously about who I am, what I stand for, what the other options are and has decided for themselves that I am right for them. At least he is being honest and sinceer. Only a fool follows without thinking about what they are following and where it leads. Don't accept something just because someone says it's true. They could be wrong and the loudest voice is not always the truth. Anyone can write something, anyone can talk. These days it's often who you know not what you know that gets people up the ladder.
I'm pleased to hear Sam that you are excited to be part of a faith community that embraces doubt, but I strongly suspect that it will be limited to the younger members. My personal experience is that from middle age upwards church is for praise and worship only and questions are seen as negative and unwelcome. I ended up with only none christians wanting to talk and delve and I also found that Athiests are very knowledgable and do present a very persuasive and convincing argument and are enticingly eager to welcome you and discuss those deep issues that christians avoid. (I got slung out for asking negative questions)
Although my faith was once rock solid, I do admit that these days its little more than the odd moments pondering if the God I thought I once knew and loved is real. My life has proven to me that it doesn't matter how much you love something or someone there comes a make or break time. A bit like letting go of your first love. Oh boy, It hurts for a long time. But you do move on. There are the odd occasions when you wonder what might have been or if you did the right thing. But you get over it and fill your life with something else. Breaking away from God is much the same. All my life I thought I felt God inside me, all my life I thought in understood what God was saying to me and I often acted on it.
I guess part of me still wonders if it was real, thats probably why I'm here now. Part of me hasnt quite been able to let go completely. But Christianity as a community didn't work for me. I felt like a candle in the wind, when the rain came there was nothing there for me so my light went out. I now question the bibl's authenticity and believe it to be the word of man not God. I ask where was God when I needed him ? I know the mind is a powerful thing and wonder if we convince ourselve because we want to believe. Does christianity favour the young as new members rather than older people because the older mind is more set in its ways and less open to being persuaded, a bit like being brainwashed. (just a thought, haha)And the God of the old testemant is nothing like the God in the new testimant, he is harsh and kills so many people. Why? Did God change or the people writing about him change ? I have many more questions but christianity refuses to discuss them with me so I was forced to look elswhere and was presented with answers that posed more questions to the point that for the sake of my sanity I had to let go and walk away from it all. I guess I'm in some sort of spiritual limbo at the moment. I'm testing a few different philosophies and experiencing some exciting new things. Who knows where life will take me...
Also, people insinuating that you are choosing to doubt is wrong, unhelpful and after a while becomes plain annoying. Along with people insisting over and over that God never left you, but you chose to leave him. It's just repetative. If hearing that didn't work the first 100 times, what makes someone think it will suddenly flick a switch and turn on a light ? OK so I get that they believe all they are saying but I'm not them and it's not working for me. If God is so wonderful and all powerful how come he didn't send me help when I needed it and begged him to. How come so many christians blocked and unfriended me at a I time when I was so lonely, suicidal and in need of friends. How come the only people that understood me and helped me have nothing to do with God while the only christian I had contact with said i had to do things their way because they knew what was best for me. But there way left me empty, lonely and the only time I could talk to anyone was by appointment. Well, when you have a knife in your hand and are about to slash your wrist you need someone at that moment. Luckily I found genuine friendship from people I can spend time with and who socialise properly, go out, have a glass of wine and a few laughs to pick me up when I'm starting to feel down so I don't go far enough down to be suicidal anymore. People who are around me and are part of my life so they notice my moods, encourage me when I need it. I need these people in my life far more than I need a church that tells me that people my age have their friends so if im looking for friendship perhaps I should go back to the country I came from and that expecting friendship is expecting to much as I don't move in the same circles....
ReplyDeleteI know these are only people and not God. Perhaps expecting to find God in the hearts of these people was expecting too much even if they do hold a position of authority and preach most sundays. I learnt that a preacher is just an ordinary man doing a job the same as anyone else. So where does one go to really find out if there is a God and who he is ?
Is he really a living God ?
Does the Holy Spirit really dwell inside us and make us more like Jesus ?
Is there really such a place as heaven or is it a myth ?
I once heard an Athiest say that Christianity rejects all Gods but their own and an Athiest just goes one God further.
Does any of it really matter ?
Or is the God that I thought lived in my heart from as far back as I can remember real, the presence in my room as a little girl, the feeling in my heart that came with it and the things that were put inside me and the knowledge that was suddenly in my head. Was this God or was it my subconcious as was suggested to me by christianity ? Am I being severly challenged or is this the end of my faith ?
I honestly don't know...
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts. - Bertrand Russell
ReplyDeleteFaith is a choice, either you choose to believe or you dont. I grew up in a church community and always accepted God no questions asked. I come from a long tradition of believers who have chosen to be faithful to God. He has rewarded our commitment by providing us with a good life. People these days have no loyalty. They hit a few bumps and fall by the wayside. The world is corrrupt so avoid temptation. Hugh says he has a good friend who is an atheist. Don't associate with him, don't put yourself in the line of temptation then complain about doubt, it's that simple.
ReplyDeleteA "Preacher" (Hayley) is a Holy Man and should be respected as such. It takes time to be accepted into any new community, right of passage has to be earned not expected. My family have been Christians for generations and don't take kindly to upstarts pushing their way in. Youngsters thesed days need to learn respect and remember also that men are the chosen teachers of faith and voice of authority.
God's people are the chosen people, the gate is narrow. Have you considered the possibility that if your genealogy isn't Christian then you are not one of the chosen few. Perhaps thats why you have no faith.
Anonymous, I couldn't disagree with your thoughts more. To me, this sounds like black and white prosperity theology - believe in God and get a good life. What a way to make Jesus irrelevant to your theology. It has nothing to do with the Christianity I know.
ReplyDeleteDon't associate with atheists??? Once again, looks like you're not reading Jesus...
Preachers are holy men? Not any more holy than the rest of us.
I don't even know what to do with your last line. Wow. Please don't contribute to this blog - you're part of the reason people like me leave church.
Anonymous
ReplyDeleteIt is because of the attitudes of people like you towards people like me that made church such an awful place to be and made me decide never to go again.
You say God has given you a good life. I know from experience that faith is easy when life is good. It's when you are in dispare and Christianity wants nothing to do with you because you didn't grow up in it that you question if there is a God and if so where is he and why doesn't he answer your prayers.
Churches are full of people like you and I decided I had enough problems without adding to them by trying to fit in where I'm not wanted.
The person who posted the comment:"Have you considered the possibility that if your genealogy isn't Christian then you are not one of the chosen few. Perhaps thats why you have no faith." on April 19th is surely joking? That is one of the oddest comments I've ever seen.
ReplyDelete